Tone Twister Gifts

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Curtsey

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

Jack and the Beanstalk.

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

'Well excuse me Mr. watch me pound on a hollow log!! I just thought our sound could use a change!!'

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

Playing game on Cow.

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

"Fred Hoskins-you've turned pro,then?"

"Don't worry, our new hearing aids are very good, and you'll be able to teach her how to sing pitch-perfect..."

Amateur singers

Police Dept. Public Information Office. This press release should say "We have not yet gathered evidence," not "We're clueless"!

Eric Clapton.

"Cheater"

"Here's one I wrote about not being able to come up with one of those 'Here's One I Wrote About' songs."

Students singing 'Now we know our A-B-Os'

Serf faints as apple is shot from his head by an arrow.

'Nice! And what other interests do you have besides jamming?'

Dido

Burke and Hare and Hare

'Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, except if your wife asks if she looks fat?'

"You're writing in the masculine again."

A difficult position.