Tie Twister Gifts

"Yeah, we're required to wear a jacket and tie but it's not a big deal."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Astronaut runs on spinning asteroid to reach space shuttle's tether.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

Curtsey

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

Hanukkah tree

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

Two cats making a heart shape with their tails

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

Jack and the Beanstalk.

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

'He's calling Running Bear on his mobile.'

"You know... this would be as good a time as any to rotate the tyres."

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

Hybrid Cat Breeds

Students singing 'Now we know our A-B-Os'

'Nice! And what other interests do you have besides jamming?'

Burke and Hare and Hare

Serf faints as apple is shot from his head by an arrow.

Really, Brother Gregory, that was only necessary on your head.

"Here's one I wrote about not being able to come up with one of those 'Here's One I Wrote About' songs."