Tone Twister Pillows

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

Curtsey

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

Jack and the Beanstalk.

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

'Well excuse me Mr. watch me pound on a hollow log!! I just thought our sound could use a change!!'

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

"Fred Hoskins-you've turned pro,then?"

"Don't worry, our new hearing aids are very good, and you'll be able to teach her how to sing pitch-perfect..."

'Nice! And what other interests do you have besides jamming?'

Burke and Hare and Hare

"Here's one I wrote about not being able to come up with one of those 'Here's One I Wrote About' songs."

Serf faints as apple is shot from his head by an arrow.

Students singing 'Now we know our A-B-Os'

"Cheater"

Eric Clapton.

Amateur singers

'Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, except if your wife asks if she looks fat?'

"You're writing in the masculine again."

A difficult position.

'Judging from your resume, you must have received an A in creative writing.'