Toilet Seat Vigilante Pillows

'Mrs Golcz, put the gun down, Mr, Golcz put the toilet seat down and everybody stays healthy,'

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

Nun confronts mugger.

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

"What happened to what cat?"

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

'There's a gleam in his eye!'

Covid Boarding Pass

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

'Could we have a little chat when you're through here?'

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

"Sac Meuniere is a typical dish from the coast and we'll begin with first removing the fresh plastic bag from the fish!"

'Yer luck's run out old timer - I've come fer what's mine!'

"Don't read it! He's phishing."

'Since you're new here, let me give you a tip: Never, EVER, look under the chairs!'

'I thought putting it up there would deter ordinary folk from using it.' (Disabled Parking Space).

"What's the point of being your sidekick if the courts won't recognize it?"

Masked intruder

Cat's 'To Do' list.

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

Traffic avenger

What a hypochondriac --- He's always turning on his "check engine" light!

"And just where did that extra vowel come from?"

'I'm moving your desk up here on the roof. That way you can keep an eye on my Cadillac in the parking lot.'

"I can't wait till somebody forgets to dim his headlights!"

"If you cave COVID I'm going to kill you."

Arnold had only himself to blame. He knew that trading in pirate videos was illegal.

Covidgilantes

"I'm gonna stomp all over your face."

'Don't come whining to me. Get back online and hack him right back.'