Headlight Vigilante Pillows

"I can't wait till somebody forgets to dim his headlights!"

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Well, Mr. 'I don't need any sunblock', what have you got to say for yourself now?'

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Beware of God"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

"Stocks closed higher on news that despite market volatility, Edgar Freund, just an average investor from Petoskey, Michigan, decided not to sell anything."

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

'There's a gleam in his eye!'

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

A footballer is having an eye test.

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

Ace Towing.

"I saw the guy who cut me off on the highway get pulled over by a police officer!"

"Miss Jones, get up here and change this eye chart, please!"

"Sac Meuniere is a typical dish from the coast and we'll begin with first removing the fresh plastic bag from the fish!"

'Mom, the only thing I don't like about this job is the screen saver.'

Monster in optician.

"Neighborhood Watch anti-violence meeting. Be there or else."

'I thought putting it up there would deter ordinary folk from using it.' (Disabled Parking Space).

'You haven't been eating your carrots, have you?'

Don't feed the bears vegetables.

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

"What's the point of being your sidekick if the courts won't recognize it?"

Traffic avenger

Cat's 'To Do' list.

What a hypochondriac --- He's always turning on his "check engine" light!

Zorro repairs his trousers.

"So how to you know I'm an optician?"

'Sir, what is the matter?' - 'New contact lenses.'