Tired Mom Humor Gifts

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

That's my daughter, Alayna

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

Two breasts: No waiting

"Coming down the runway, Rachel is wearing corn flakes, a nursing bra, and the same maternity leggings from yesterday."

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

Big book of daft names for kids.

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

"It turns out your problem is not chronic fatigue. You're just dog tired."

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'

'We're both dog-tired.'

'Mom says she's too busy to read anything right now so I'll just sign her name to my report card.'

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'