Tired Mom Humor Pillows

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

Two breasts: No waiting

"Coming down the runway, Rachel is wearing corn flakes, a nursing bra, and the same maternity leggings from yesterday."

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'

Big book of daft names for kids.

"It turns out your problem is not chronic fatigue. You're just dog tired."

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

'We're both dog-tired.'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'

'Mom says she's too busy to read anything right now so I'll just sign her name to my report card.'

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'