Tired But Terrific Mom Pillows

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

Man walking a dog is passed by a runner carrying a baby on her hip.

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

'Let's get this party started!'

'Well it's about time! My belly needs scratching.'

"Finally. The baby's asleep, the washing's done, I've finished cleaning the house..."

'Just doing the school run.'

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

'We need a dog!'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'Please feel free to tell me if Junior is in your way...'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

'Either switch off his batteries or take 'em out!'

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

'Come watch TV with me, Mom. This movie is for young and old.'

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

'When you have boys, you need 'presoak'.'

"It's either "Bring your kid to work" day or it's "Drop of handbag in kindergarten" day today?"

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

Career woman meets Family woman

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'