Frazzled Mom Humor Gifts

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

Two breasts: No waiting

"What part of this don't you understand?"

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

How Moms Explain

'I forgot to bring diapers. We were a long way from refreshing.'

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

Big book of daft names for kids.

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

Mother has jumper with NO written in big letters on the back.

Preschool Room 2: No mothers allowed.

Easy birth ATM

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'

'Mom says she's too busy to read anything right now so I'll just sign her name to my report card.'

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'

'Starting from bedrock again, Mom?'