Motherhood Chuckles Gifts

Two breasts: No waiting

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

Maternity ward on the farm.

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

"Got any cravings?"

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

"I should have started this three months ago....contractions play havoc with jigsaw puzzles!!"

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'

Smart Suburban Maternity Hospital - "My Evian waters have broken."

'Now this time remember - we refer to the babies as 'quadruplets,' not 'the litter!''