Motherhood Chuckles Gifts

Two breasts: No waiting

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

Congratulations! When are you due?

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

Maternity ward on the farm.

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

"What part of this don't you understand?"

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

The baby's really been moving round today.

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

"Got any cravings?"

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

Everything looks so good

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

"I should have started this three months ago....contractions play havoc with jigsaw puzzles!!"

'Now this time remember - we refer to the babies as 'quadruplets,' not 'the litter!''

"It's worse than you think, doctor - his dad's supper is in there."