Tiny Comedian Gifts

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

"I tested very high in playing."

Planet Childhood: Food that kids really want I'll have the snot.

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

'Smart? This dog can bark in five different languages!'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

The Amazing Mr Sausage

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."