Tiny Comedian Pillows

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

"I tested very high in playing."

Planet Childhood: Food that kids really want I'll have the snot.

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"I don't get it either, but my mom keeps telling me to hang up the phone, so I do it to make her happy."

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

The Amazing Mr Sausage

'Smart? This dog can bark in five different languages!'

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

"He tried to attack me with this, but I managed to grab it from him and knock him out before he did me in."

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,