Tiny Comedians Pillows

"The new 'Pat the Fire' book did not go over too well with some children..."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

"I tested very high in playing."

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"I don't get it either, but my mom keeps telling me to hang up the phone, so I do it to make her happy."

The Amazing Mr Sausage

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

"He tried to attack me with this, but I managed to grab it from him and knock him out before he did me in."

'I don't mind you singing, but I draw the line at your banjo playing.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

"Now, is this the kind of painting you mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

A smart alec boy

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

'Have you washed your hands?'

Memory Foam Mattress.

"Boy, I have such a bad hangover! The guy I stung last night was drunk..."

The phone was on the blink, Mom, so I ordered a pizza on eBay!

'Is it just me or is a good man really that hard to find?'

'They must be trash fish!'

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

"I won't enumerate my trespasses. You know my work."

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"