Kid Comedian Gifts

'Reflexes Normal.'

"I'm going to be an activist when I grow up."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

Graph Your Relatives!

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

Growth Charts

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"