Little Comedian Gifts

'Have you washed your hands?'

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"He tried to attack me with this, but I managed to grab it from him and knock him out before he did me in."

"I won't enumerate my trespasses. You know my work."

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

'The fringe will county fifty points and the bald spot a hundred, ok?'

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"Mum, I need a twinkle"

'He's at that difficult age. Too little to be a hunk and too young to be a couch potatoe.'

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

The Amazing Mr Sausage

"My standard rule is - if I've seen a relative in the last two weeks, I don't have to kiss them."

"I don't get it either, but my mom keeps telling me to hang up the phone, so I do it to make her happy."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

'She'll never look for me here.'

Infinity Tavern

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"I tested very high in playing."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.