Little Jokester Gifts

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Fleas Navidad.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

A crab with a utility knife claw

"Merry Christmas"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Men dancing

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

Elf of the Month

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"You idiots … we lost!"