Experimental Comedian Gifts

'You said you wanted to experiment in bed.'

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"Extreme miming"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Sock Puppet in Literature

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Canoeing Incorrectly

Monet At Open Mic Night

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

New Belief Systems

"I thought about having children, until I found out they take nine months to download."

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."