Experimental Comedian Gifts

'You said you wanted to experiment in bed.'

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"Extreme miming"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Atomic Bear: Part 21

Sock Puppet in Literature

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

To begin, click on the bread crumb icon.

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Canoeing Incorrectly

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Monet At Open Mic Night

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

"I thought about having children, until I found out they take nine months to download."

New Belief Systems

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'