Time-crunched Gift Givers Pillows

"Guys, seriously, some myrrh? Next time let's not wait till the last minute as usual to make gifts!"

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

Easter Island Cheeseheads

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

A baby using a heavy duty drill

"They certainly are jolly creatures aren't they?"

Tipping Pain Chart

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

The Doll's afternoon tea party had taken an unexpected ad dramatic turn.

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

Sorry about the odor --- Phone booths have gone out of style so I had to change in a dumpster.

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

'Joey, I know how fast you are, but this guy's a special problem.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Cannibal Moms : "Remember kids, no dessert until you eat all or your vegetarian!"

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Pavlov's Dog at Christmas time...

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

"Save the thong. I'd like to floss afterwards."

Octopus

The Leaning Tower of Pizza

"Money or your beard!"

Acme Coffee Co.

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

'That's a nice gift, Bobby, but I asked for SHIP in a bottle.'

Belated $3 birthday cards. 'Darn. All I've got is two bucks.' Bob was always a day late and a dollar short.

Hand Sanitiser in the Middle of the Ocean

Shovel your driveway?

"For Christmas you got me a roll of wrapping paper? And you wrapped it?"

Why T-Rex Did Not Go Noodling

The three wise cats were bearing slightly less practical gifts.