Thumb Saver Pillows

'I started out as a sculptor, but I kept hitting my thumb.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"I'm bored."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

I wish you kids would get off your electronics and learn a practical skill. Work with your hands! What does he think we're doing?!! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

'Who said romance is dead? I just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

"I believe in love at first sight. It saves a lot of time."

'Who ordered 10,000 copies of how to conserve paper?'

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

Don't Let Your Computer Eat You Up!

'Wow, thanks for putting it into context. My 42-inch plasma really is obsolete.'

Cash Rebate

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

Save money on the web.

'Okay! Who changed my screensaver?'

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

"I'd look up from my phone for you!"

Women look out at overgrown garden as man reads sports section. Wife says: 'He reckons he can't mow it as he's turned it into a wildlife reserve.'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

Computer camp's not exactly what I expected.

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

Advantages of being bald # 2 - Less time drying.

Thank You...For Everything You Do.

"Mrs. Beetle, Marty's screen is frozen, again."

Screen Addict

Double life.

'Removing the phone is easy. Getting your head and arms to their original positions will take weeks of physical therapy.'