Thoughtful Jokester Gifts

A panhandler with a sign that reads "Not afraid of success anymore".

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Men dancing

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Leaving cards.

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

Broad Minded

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."