Texas Traveler Gifts

Cat says of armadillo, 'It's one of those big armored rats.'

Welcome to Texas, no fops, dudes or dandies.

Zombie standup

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Desert Island Meals.

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

Pina Coladas

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Airport. Luggage. Baggage. Traveling used to be much less complicated.

'It's true what they say, you really can hear the sea in these things!'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'Remember the...um...the...uh...oh, yeah...remember the Alamo!'

Vaccination Passport

Where cartoon characters go on holiday...

Desert Island Fantasies

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

PIna Colada

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

I'm carrying a tiki torch for you!

Musical genres

'It is so nice to be able to take a break mid trip...'

WPOV's (White People On Vacation)

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"It's not a big deal! Everyone gets bitten by insects on holiday occasionally."

Neurotics in the tropics

'It's a great job, but the commuting is murder!'

'Anything to declare?'

'Two for French Polynesia.'