Terminal Illness Diagnosis Gifts

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

Everyday Hospice

'It may already be too late.'

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

'Biggest damn virus I've ever seen!'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Euthanasia Clinic

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

Tom's last day.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

'OK, how about something a little more upbeat?'

'If things don't go well, tell me you'll pull the plug. I want to know you'll be provided for.'

"I'd like to make a list. What do we kick when we die?"

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

'I've done everything that medical science can do...now I suggest you sacrifice a goat to Nagoomba.'

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

"The test results were inconclusive, we should know more after the autopsy."

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

"We even tried a visit from a celebrity."

'If I were you, I'd start doing those things on your 'Things to do before you die' list.'

"I'm the spirit of the present Christmas but don't worry... in your case the appearance of the ghost of the future Christmas is redundant."

'I wish I had learned more trivia.'