Receiving A Terminal Diagnosis Gifts

"Sooo, on the plus side, might as well start eating & drinking & smoking all you want."

"I'm afraid there isn't an easy way to tell you you're going to snuff it."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

Euthanasia Clinic

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

Tom's last day.

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

"It appears you have medication forgetfulness disorder, which, as you can imagine, is untreatable."

"I'd like to make a list. What do we kick when we die?"

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

"The test results were inconclusive, we should know more after the autopsy."

"My Alzheimers doctor. What can I do?"

"I'm the spirit of the present Christmas but don't worry... in your case the appearance of the ghost of the future Christmas is redundant."

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

'If I were you, I'd start doing those things on your 'Things to do before you die' list.'

'I wish I had learned more trivia.'

'Death doesn't frighten me, but the night nurse does...'

Things to do before you die...

"I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed..."

'Just in case, I want you to shorten your Bucket List down to just one thing that you can do in this room.'

Doctor's Office. I don't know which I hate more to hear him say --- "Learn to live with it" or "Learn to live without it."