Terminal Diagnosis Gifts

"My doctor has given me three months to live."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

Euthanasia Clinic

Surprise Party

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

Tom's last day.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"You constantly saying 'I'll see you Monday' won't change the fact that you're fired."

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

Mother nature mourns the state of the world.

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

'Your sugar level is off the chart. Don't worry. We'll whip you back into shape in no time.'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

"It appears you have medication forgetfulness disorder, which, as you can imagine, is untreatable."