Tennis Novice Gifts

I don't know much about Tennis...

Skiing.

"First time pruning?"

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"Triple whammy."

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

"What's my collar size?"

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

'Hank, I know you're new at turkey hunting, but that isn't the way you call turkeys.'

"It's a special golf bag for beginners - It has a built-in GPS."

Bad Violinist.

'Remember I said almost anyone can learn to play golf, well you're the almost.'

"Banking, booking flights, shopping - there's no limit to what he can't do on the internet."

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

'Tom just had his first workout at the gym.'

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

'Let's face it,Edgar.you and mother nature don't have anything in common.'

You're not supposed to lob the rock!

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

Mulligan's first mulligan.

'Your first lesson is free.'

"Yes! I got one over! Woo-hoo!"

'There's nothing wrong with your cognitive abilities. All investors have short memories.'

A tennis lesson for a hockey player. Skates are a poor footwear choice, and putting ball into the net is not the object of the game.