Tennis Gifts

'Your serves are great. Ground strokes, superb. It's your foot faults that are killing you.'

"Anyone for tennis?"

Tennis Balls

'Want to serve first?'

'Middle managers play tennis.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"According to my Zip Code, I prefer non-spicy foods, enjoy tennis more than golf, subscribe to at least one news-oriented periodical, own between thirty and thirty-five ties, never buy lemon-scented products, and have a power tool in my basement, but none

'Wimbledon - The British weather is causing ever more contentious line-calls.'

"And the crowd roars."

'The difference between retirement and old age is where you put the ice.'

'What? You said court-appropriate attire!'

"Insurance, anyone?"

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

"Why do men play best of five and women best of three?"

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"I see good things in your future."

Mixed Doubles.

Watching a tennis match vs. watching the stock market.

Watching the markets.

'Advantage' (Tennis player has huge racket).

"It looks bad, boss - they got your DNA off an old tennis ball."

'Strategy , , , got to think strategy , , ,'

'Could you help me on my grunting.'

"Quiet please...the players are about to begin grunting."

Tennis Court - "How do you plead?"

"You're on the forty-ninth floor now, Mr. Dowd. Up here, the world no longer revolves around you."

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

Jack started to note how these 'accidents' always occurred after he missed a shot.

'Hey you INCONSIDERATE MORON, IT'S 3 a.m.!! QUIT making that INFERNAL RACKET!!

Anyone for tennis?

'Is it Wimbledon fortnight already?'

Tennis coach says to player, 'People are calling you the next Tim Henman!' Player responds with, 'Bastards!'

'Correction: You are not playing well today.' Bob would tack on $20 for the English lesson.

"In future you should leave the 'Between the leg' shots to Andy Murray!"