Tennis Player Gifts

John McEnroe

'Your serves are great. Ground strokes, superb. It's your foot faults that are killing you.'

'Wimbledon - The British weather is causing ever more contentious line-calls.'

'The difference between retirement and old age is where you put the ice.'

Mixed Doubles.

"Care for some sports wine?"

"Quiet please...the players are about to begin grunting."

Jack started to note how these 'accidents' always occurred after he missed a shot.

'It just came out. It handles forehands, backhands and overheads all in one motion.'

Roger Federer

Tennis coach says to player, 'People are calling you the next Tim Henman!' Player responds with, 'Bastards!'

'That's 12 games in a row. As my best friend, it wouldn't kill you to let me win one every once in awhile.'

"In future you should leave the 'Between the leg' shots to Andy Murray!"

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

Tennis Player Receives Unwanted Advice on the Tennis Court of Public Opinion.

'It's better to keep the second ball in your pocket.'

Bjorn Borg

'Your serves are a little weak. Practicing with this ball should solve that problem.'

Dog ball-boy.

'Now, that's what I call a smash!'

"Harry can never remember whether it's the winner or the loser who's supposed to jump over the net."

'The light is fading, nobody can see the advert on my shirt.'

'Here's the problem, this wall is made out velcro.'

Roger Federer.

The longest tennis match in history at Wimbledon.

'OK, Mr Henman, apart from hitting balls into a net what oher skills do you have?'

The Off-Season

'Say please...'

Ballboy! Please wait until the rally ends!

I love tennis

"I've been looking for a relationship with no strings attached."

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

'New balls please.'

'The swelling well receed in a few days and the racket should slide right off.'

'That's my grunting coach.'