Temperamental Chef Enthusiast T-Shirts

Restaurant. Special: Fricken Chicassee. The chef shouldn't write the special when he's angry.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Better Not Squash.

Witch's Brew.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Sushi Train Set.

Thanksgiving Game Highlights

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

"I don't like it."

'Well, that's the last of the garlic repellent.'

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

Salvador Deli

"At what point did my Boeuf Bourguignonne become a pejorative beef stew?"

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

Football Pudding

'It looks exactly like the picture in the recipe book except for the burnt bits.'

Lobster potion.

MasterWitch

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that,'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"If anyone asks, I didn't hear about the big beef recall."

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

"He's one of the few genuine food critics left....he still fills his pen with Spanish squid ink."

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

'-and did anyone notice my little faux pas with the meat balls?'

'My mum's not very hygienic... She cooks carrots and peas in the same pot!'

Home on the Range.

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'

Hell's kitchen /Beans only.

Escaping Egg

'Don't forget toothpicks for our candlelight supper tonight. . . get the cellophane tip ones; preferably gold to match the gold plastic service and mugs.'