Telly Gifts

God operating a universal remote.

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"They grow up so fast."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Television Readers.

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Horror movies

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.