Telly Prints

God operating a universal remote.

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"They grow up so fast."

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Bowled over again!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Horror movies

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Einsteiners.'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'If only every year was an election year.'