Tv And Film Prints

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Benedict Cumberbatch

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Horror movies

'If only every year was an election year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."