Film And Tv Gifts

"Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in a tiny room, looking out at a world that's passing me by. . ."

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'I see it as a good thing. Since we've been made superfluous, I've finally had time to work on y screenplay.'

"Ok, but after this, no more last requests."

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Benedict Cumberbatch

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

No-Work Orange

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Horror movies

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."