Film And Television Gifts

David Suchet

Celebrity without a cause

Netflix Award Show

'How many times have I told you to put the strainer in the sink when you're brain washing?'

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

"Your assignment is to analyze any one day in history and explain how you would adapt it to a cable TV miniseries."

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Bowled over again!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Horror movies

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."