Tv Gifts

'But on the plus side, I'm picking up HBO.'

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'When you said you were taking up sport in the New Year I assumed you'd be doing it....not watching it!'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'Oh great. The McWit's put up a satellite dish the same week they pave over our entrance.'

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'Hello, 911? It's my husband! I don't know what's wrong with him. He said there's nothing on TV and he just wants to talk!'

"Mom wants us to spend 'Quality time' together, so don't blame me."

Man in office watching TV instead of a computer monitor.

'Dude, it's been four hours since the frenzy and you're still burping that stuff up? That regurgitated rubber smell from those paddles is downright nasty!'

'Was that the grunt affirmitave, the grunt negative, or the grunt Non-commital?'

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

'So why are you waiting until halftime? You only last through one commercial.'

'Boy, you know our lives suck when our cable goes out more than we do.'

'Hey, whats the deal? Out here, I only get 27 channels!'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"He's been in a self-induced social coma ever since discovering all the video on demand services."

"Shall we have 'Glorious B****rds' next"

Kim Novak caricature

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

'Not only can I see the future - I also get HBO and Showtime for free,'

'Media reform: the front lines.'

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'I'd like to buy a towel.'

'No wonder kids have no imagination these days - television stopped leaving anything to it.'

THe remote for when you can't find the remote.

'Hey Brian, you know you said you were too old for TV appearances?'

"He had laziness thrust upon him"

'Tell your mom that the grape juice stain is just your way of marking your territory.'

"Sorry, I haven't had chance to watch much TV since I went to turn down the radio, tripped over a magazine and a framed poster fell on my head..."

Golf on TV

Cheetah watching the 'Fast show'