Tv Gifts

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'When you said you were taking up sport in the New Year I assumed you'd be doing it....not watching it!'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'Oh great. The McWit's put up a satellite dish the same week they pave over our entrance.'

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"Mom wants us to spend 'Quality time' together, so don't blame me."

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'So why are you waiting until halftime? You only last through one commercial.'

'Boy, you know our lives suck when our cable goes out more than we do.'

Man in office watching TV instead of a computer monitor.

'Dude, it's been four hours since the frenzy and you're still burping that stuff up? That regurgitated rubber smell from those paddles is downright nasty!'

'Was that the grunt affirmitave, the grunt negative, or the grunt Non-commital?'

'No wonder kids have no imagination these days - television stopped leaving anything to it.'

Cheetah watching the 'Fast show'

'Media reform: the front lines.'

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Hey, whats the deal? Out here, I only get 27 channels!'

THe remote for when you can't find the remote.

'Hey Brian, you know you said you were too old for TV appearances?'

"He had laziness thrust upon him"

'Tell your mom that the grape juice stain is just your way of marking your territory.'

"Sorry, I haven't had chance to watch much TV since I went to turn down the radio, tripped over a magazine and a framed poster fell on my head..."

Golf on TV

"I've decided to uninstall your personality and upload mine."

"I should warn you that if you don't let me finish watching my programme I'll grow up taking drugs and hating you!"

Jimmy Hill

"He's been in a self-induced social coma ever since discovering all the video on demand services."

"Shall we have 'Glorious B****rds' next"

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

These people are most likely to be celebrating the following...

"Don't feel bad, Boy. No one can understand politics these days."