Television Shows Gifts

"ermm...I think I'll phone a friend"

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

Nigella Lawson.

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'There's a refreshing honesty about this programme, dear.'

These people are having more fun in 60 seconds that we'll have in a lifetime.

'Working from home is great! You can keep your mind occupied watching daytime TV.'

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

'Casualty, Take one' clapper board traps persons finger

"...and our show 'Cooking with fresh ingredients' has been moved to next week."

'CD's: Manufactured pop groups as seen on tv!'

"So how are you feeling about your exterminating?"

"Oh, definitely, I feel there's a reason I was given a second chance."

"Everywhere's fully booked by television people filming holiday programmes..."

Season Finale.

'Sure, it didn't work, but 'two to beam up' was worth a try'

'They had a TV series about a woman president. What I want to know is, when are they going to have a TV series about a gay president?'

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

'...And now stay tuned for 'Why Bother?', the program that calls itself into question!'

Anton Mosimann

Take a break, read a book.

"Set phazers to medium rare!"

Star Trek Official Fan Club: Gone Where No-One Has Gone Before

"I've had enough of watching grass grow. What's on the Paint Drying Channel?"

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Welcome to Scotland: Next Celebrity Guided Tour TV Program in 5 Mins.

"Yeah, Sarge. We're on the stakeout. But let me tell ya. we got on helluva problem here."

"Yes, I suppose the towel with his on it is something, but I had hoped for a better settlement."

"Excuse me, would that be the human re-purposing lady off the telly?"

T.V. infinity.

"I don't want a female doctor."

"The fact that you forecast the winner of the TV cooking contest does NOT make you a chef!"

"I hear they running out of real video and people are faking stuff."

"Now, this is how you record your dramas while your husband watches football..."

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'