Television Shows Gifts

"ermm...I think I'll phone a friend"

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

Nigella Lawson.

'Aha! You are addicted to American Idol. You have the voting numbers on speed dial.'

These people are having more fun in 60 seconds that we'll have in a lifetime.

'There's a refreshing honesty about this programme, dear.'

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

Rowan Atkinson,

"Oh, definitely, I feel there's a reason I was given a second chance."

"So how are you feeling about your exterminating?"

If Jan Brady was in the Bible

'Working from home is great! You can keep your mind occupied watching daytime TV.'

'CD's: Manufactured pop groups as seen on tv!'

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

"...and our show 'Cooking with fresh ingredients' has been moved to next week."

'Casualty, Take one' clapper board traps persons finger

Anton Mosimann

James May

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"Excuse me, would that be the human re-purposing lady off the telly?"

"Yes, I suppose the towel with his on it is something, but I had hoped for a better settlement."

"Yeah, Sarge. We're on the stakeout. But let me tell ya. we got on helluva problem here."

"I've had enough of watching grass grow. What's on the Paint Drying Channel?"

Antiques Roadshow Here Today!

Welcome to Scotland: Next Celebrity Guided Tour TV Program in 5 Mins.

'Sure, it didn't work, but 'two to beam up' was worth a try'

Season Finale.

Stephen Fry

'They had a TV series about a woman president. What I want to know is, when are they going to have a TV series about a gay president?'

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

'...And now stay tuned for 'Why Bother?', the program that calls itself into question!'

"Everywhere's fully booked by television people filming holiday programmes..."

Take a break, read a book.

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

'It sounds like Scully and Mulder!'