Tv Programming Gifts

TV scheduler's garbage in and garbage out baskets..

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Benedict Cumberbatch

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Horror movies

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'If only every year was an election year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.