Tv Programming Gifts

TV scheduler's garbage in and garbage out baskets..

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Benedict Cumberbatch

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Bowled over again!

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Television Readers.

Horror movies

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'If only every year was an election year.'