Tvs Gifts

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'Adjustment of your picture is necessary - call your repairman.'

'Wow, thanks for putting it into context. My 42-inch plasma really is obsolete.'

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Showbiz Awards

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"They grow up so fast."

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Bowled over again!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Einsteiners.'

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Horror movies

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Television Readers.

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."