Television Cooking Fan Gifts

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Barbeque Casualty.

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

Ode to a Grill

Turtle Trailer Court

'Guess what I've got for lunch today...a piece of my wife's delicious rum cake.'

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Christmas TV...

Night Life: L.A.

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

John Laurie

'They had to increase security. He's being stalked by a deranged paleontologist.'

After traveling across the universe for thousands of years, an episode of "Leave It To Beaver" is received by an inhabitant of a distant galaxy.

Wall Cluck.

Lorne Greene

"Previously on..."

Pastor of Muppets

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

'Excuse me sir, how do you feel about artificial intelligence?'

"No, I'm not, no cellphones in high school old. I'm, I fell in love with Betty White in the Golden Girls old."

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"This year has been a disaster. But, my breaking point was when Apple TV+ hijacked 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,' away from network television."

"Hi, Timmy. It's Lassie. She's stuck in the well again."

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

The 3 Stooges Diner. Free Pie. Hah! I know better than to fall for that!

Nigella Lawson

"Since we're off the grid, Madge does the cooking over a bonfire."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'I'd like to buy a towel.'

'Willlllbur...is that you?' After low ratings, Mr Ed's contract ran out and he was canned.

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"