Tv Cookery Fan Gifts

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

TV Situations vacant.

Moses' TV guide.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

"Say hello to my little friend!"

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'Ready, steady, Operate'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

Russian eggs.

JERRY SPRINGER'S GUESTS TODAY

Chefs

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

'Celebrity chef' 'Celery chef'

'Sorry...I forgot to mention i'm Dishlexic.'

"Well, I just assumed you wanted your toast like your coffee."

"We've had to rename it, no one watches talk shows anymore."