Tv Cookery Fan Gifts

Nigella Lawson

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

TV Situations vacant.

Moses' TV guide.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

Liz Hurley

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

"Say hello to my little friend!"

Chefs

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

Russian eggs.

JERRY SPRINGER'S GUESTS TODAY

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

'Ready, steady, Operate'

'I'd like to buy a towel.'

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

'Celebrity chef' 'Celery chef'

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

'Sorry...I forgot to mention i'm Dishlexic.'