Reality Cooking Fan Gifts

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

Ode to a Grill

'Guess what I've got for lunch today...a piece of my wife's delicious rum cake.'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Disaster in the kitchen.

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

'Scrub that previous message Houston. There is no, I repeat no intelligent life on Mars.'

Man sees capitol building: 'Truth, Justice, Reality TV'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

As Seen On TV

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs would make a great reality show."

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

'...Nadine Dorries has sent you a present from Australia. She said as soon as she saw it she thought of you!'

After finishing his two year residency at Drai's Beach club, in Las Vegas, D.J. Pauly D decides to return to his first love theatre.

Election Report. The political debates and huge ratings. "Dancing Around the Issues" topped "Dancing with the Stars"!

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'OK, you've got your problems. Now, you can keep them and walk away - or trade them with whoever's behind door number one, two or three.'

'We need more cake shows!'

The Party of Lincoln

"I knew you was mad when you tried to sell me to them "American Pickers" fellers."

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'Take us to your - y'know whasisname - that chap who came runner up in 'Pop Idol''

"Do I have to pay the plaintiff the same amount again for each rerun of my case on TV?"

New from NBC: 'World's Biggest Feline Loser.'

Michael Grade is right...ITV needs more real writers which is why we want you to commission 'celebrity novelists get me out of here'.

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

'Pardon me, M'sieur -- Did you order 'grilled cheese' or 'chilled grease'?'

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

'It's a new reality show call 'Detoxing with the Stars'...'

Ahh, Chicken Soup