Telephoning Pillows

Willie Nelson, hold music.

"I hate calling her—she always picks up."

False alarm; chair salesman

Putting You Through

"I'm in the middle of something. Can I call you right back?"

I panicked and hung up! What kind of sick company has an actual person answer their phone?!

"Got to go, Shirley, my bath is running."

'You may already be a winner!'

'Is that Gambler's Anonymous?'

'Hey, fool - this is the flea just above your tail - forget about sleeping tonight - ha ha ha ha!'

'Has he been on the phone all morning? No, he stopped an hour ago to change ears.'

'Hello. You've reached the twenty-four hour toll-free hotline.'

"I'll have to go, we've been talking for ages"

"... No, I'm not your Bert. I think you've got the wrong number."

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Nuts to you, too."

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'The King of what?'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"I neeeeeeed neeeeeeed neeeeeeed my iPhone!"

"Yes, I'm alone."

"My computer just texted me."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'