Telemedicine Trailblazer Gifts

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

'I hope you don't mind me bringing a few medical students in to see you. '

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"I'm working remotely from home...I have a gallbladder, 2 appendectomies, a colon resection and playgroup at 3."

"The doctor will see you now. Look up at the surveillance camera and tell her what hurts."

'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

"I'm always pushing the envelope when it comes to patient care. I've moved his large intestine so it looks like a big smiley face."

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

'What's your policy on working from home?'

Annual meeting of the American Telemedical Association.

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

'I'm getting lonely – my patients are getting their prescriptions online instead of visiting me.'

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"Would you prefer the artificial heart made by Venn-Trexx, or the generic, which costs a lot less?"

'I'm a stay-at-home teleradiologist.'

'Guinea pig - without whose help...'

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

'Professor Benson is developing a fast and cost effective vasectomy treatment.'

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

"We've seen a lot of this in 2020... It's called 'Zoom Face'."

"Man, this telemedicine thing is great -- I don't even have to put my pants on!"

'Doctor, would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'

"I'm in my doctor's telemedical waiting room!"

'This will mean a great deal to my career, Mr. Ferguson -- yours will be the first case reported outside Zimbabwe!'

'The doctor doesn't actually see patients any more, but you can call his 900 number.'

'OK, now cough...'.

"It's the new stitchless method."

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."

"Now remember, this is an experimental treatment, so have some fun with it."

"This remote doctor visit is just like the real thing. I've been waiting 35 minutes and I still haven't seen the doctor."