Telemedicine Specialist Gifts

Annual meeting of the American Telemedical Association.

"Doctor, you're so much taller in person than on my home computer screen!"

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'Doctor, would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

"Since you're still wary about coming into the office, I'll have to walk you through the prostate exam."

"This remote doctor visit is just like the real thing. I've been waiting 35 minutes and I still haven't seen the doctor."

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

'I hope you don't mind me bringing a few medical students in to see you. '

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"He's a whiz kid."

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

'Ok, there's some duct tape. Are you happy now, Mr. Prima Donna?...'

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

'He's our team doctor, athletic trainer, chiropractor and psychiatrist all rolled in one.'

"I'm working remotely from home...I have a gallbladder, 2 appendectomies, a colon resection and playgroup at 3."

"The doctor will see you now. Look up at the surveillance camera and tell her what hurts."

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

"I can't take the zoom lifestyle for one more minute!"

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

'That's a nasty rasher there...you must be allergic to bacon.'

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

Dr.Bernie Curtin, Proctologist.

'I'm getting lonely – my patients are getting their prescriptions online instead of visiting me.'

"-and give their hunky centre forward a big,juicy smacker from me!"

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

'I'm a stay-at-home teleradiologist.'

'He can go back in the game. Its just a bruise.'

Player Status.

'He claims to be a specialist, but I think he has a one-track mind.'

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."