Telemedicine Enthusiasts Gifts

"I'm in my doctor's telemedical waiting room!"

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'I hope you don't mind me bringing a few medical students in to see you. '

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"Visiting hours are over, Mrs. Glenborn."

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"I'm working remotely from home...I have a gallbladder, 2 appendectomies, a colon resection and playgroup at 3."

"The doctor will see you now. Look up at the surveillance camera and tell her what hurts."

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

Health Care Parade

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

"...and this is Ralph, your anesthesiologist."

Annual meeting of the American Telemedical Association.

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

'I'm getting lonely – my patients are getting their prescriptions online instead of visiting me.'

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

'I'm a stay-at-home teleradiologist.'

"Your electronic medical records were accidentally deleted. You'll have to start over again with acne."

I'd like you to get out more.

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

"We've seen a lot of this in 2020... It's called 'Zoom Face'."

"Man, this telemedicine thing is great -- I don't even have to put my pants on!"

'Doctor, would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."

"This remote doctor visit is just like the real thing. I've been waiting 35 minutes and I still haven't seen the doctor."

"They're working miracles with felt-tipped markers these day!"

'OK, now cough...'.

'The doctor doesn't actually see patients any more, but you can call his 900 number.'

Smoker has smoking x ray.