Telemedicine Professional Gifts

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

"My telemedical surgeon says we need to operate!"

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

'I hope you don't mind me bringing a few medical students in to see you. '

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

'Ok, there's some duct tape. Are you happy now, Mr. Prima Donna?...'

"It's James Earl Jones from Verizon again—he wants to know if we still respect him as an actor."

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

'He's our team doctor, athletic trainer, chiropractor and psychiatrist all rolled in one.'

"I'm working remotely from home...I have a gallbladder, 2 appendectomies, a colon resection and playgroup at 3."

"The doctor will see you now. Look up at the surveillance camera and tell her what hurts."

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

Annual meeting of the American Telemedical Association.

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

"-and give their hunky centre forward a big,juicy smacker from me!"

'Well, operator, it's sort of person to person.'

'I'm getting lonely – my patients are getting their prescriptions online instead of visiting me.'

'I'm a stay-at-home teleradiologist.'

'I have your lab results on my tablet - just let me finish this game first.'

'He can go back in the game. Its just a bruise.'

Player Status.

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

"The computers are down, so I can't 'search' your symptoms at the moment."

"At the bottom of the ocean – why, where are you?"

Smartphone

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

"We've seen a lot of this in 2020... It's called 'Zoom Face'."

"Man, this telemedicine thing is great -- I don't even have to put my pants on!"

'Doctor, would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'