Telemedicine Enthusiast Gifts

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

'I hope you don't mind me bringing a few medical students in to see you. '

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"The doctor will see you now. Look up at the surveillance camera and tell her what hurts."

"I'm working remotely from home...I have a gallbladder, 2 appendectomies, a colon resection and playgroup at 3."

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"I find her remarkably attractive."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

Annual meeting of the American Telemedical Association.

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

'I'm getting lonely – my patients are getting their prescriptions online instead of visiting me.'

'I'm a stay-at-home teleradiologist.'

"Your electronic medical records were accidentally deleted. You'll have to start over again with acne."

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

"We've seen a lot of this in 2020... It's called 'Zoom Face'."

"Man, this telemedicine thing is great -- I don't even have to put my pants on!"

'Doctor, would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'

"I'm in my doctor's telemedical waiting room!"

"This remote doctor visit is just like the real thing. I've been waiting 35 minutes and I still haven't seen the doctor."

'OK, now cough...'.

"They're working miracles with felt-tipped markers these day!"

'The doctor doesn't actually see patients any more, but you can call his 900 number.'

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."