Telecommunication Gifts

'Thank you for taking part in this poll, sir. Here's the first question: What the heck makes you so arrogant to think your opinion could have any kind of importance, sir?'

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

'Martha, I actually reached a human being.'

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

'We've had to set-up a Call Centre to handle all our nuisance calls.'

Voice Mail meets Caller ID

"Attention - today we're using British accents, and we're doing the bank scam."

"Tell him I'm not in."

"I'm sorry I ever taught him to speak"

'Sorry - wrong number.'

Strip: Call Centres

Wing-Wing! Chicken disturbed by phone.

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

"You know I'm not a telemarketer, Jimmy, and you are not going to fine me eleven thousand dollars. Now, for the last time, put your mother on."

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

'If you are still on hold, ask yourself 'why'?'

"You're a telemarketer. You have to work during lunch and dinner!"

"We're doing phone rather than face to face, but for verisimilitude you could take your skirt off."

"It's the only way I can get a signal."

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

Halo.

Desk Organizer: Mail, Telex and Grapevine.

'Good morning. I'd like to talk about double glazing issues.'

Only 25 cents for that ol' land line experience.

"Due to heavy call volume, your wait time will be six years."

"I want to report a nuisance caller!"

'Wait a sec. I'm getting another call.'

"He'll come to eat when he can interrupt dinner. He's playing telemarketer."

"I'll go ahead and transfer you to Mr. Dixon. Please hold while he sighs heavily before picking up."

Mobile Bills

"Make it quick. I've got the mayor on the phone."

"We are currently experiencing an unusually high volume of calls and all our advisers are busy..."

Throw-Your-Voice Mail.

'What's the number to ring to register my 'don't know' vote?'

"How nice of you to call me out of the blue, young man. It so happens I have forty-five million just sitting in my piggy bank, and maybe having a broker wouldn't be such a bad idea."