Teetotaler Wonder Gifts

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after 3 children all day"

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

The Janopause

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

AL'S GYM, 'We're going to make a new man of you!', 'Will he have new credit cards?'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

A Guilty Conscience.

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

Overdoing It.

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

'It was horrible Doctor!! One minute we were playing on the teeter totter and the next he was gone!!'

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

A Volunteer Review

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

'I overheard you say that you have been sober for 10 years... Me to!'