Joyful Teetotaler Gifts

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

Potatoes.

The Janopause

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

Drink kills.

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

That's a nasty outgoing toenail you've got there.'

A Guilty Conscience.

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Overdoing It.

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

'It was horrible Doctor!! One minute we were playing on the teeter totter and the next he was gone!!'

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

A Volunteer Review

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'

"Dry January?"