Joyful Teetotaler Pillows

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Sober Tooth Tiger

'New Barbeque.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

Potatoes.

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You talkin' to me?"

The Janopause

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"I wonder, sir, if you expect to be using your complimentary cocktail."

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

Corn and Bunion plants.

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

Podiatry. If the frostbite was any worse we'd have to amputate. You just barely stayed out of the "toe away" zone!

Drink kills.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

I see you're drinking coffee. I'm also a teetotaler. I only force down these martinis for the roughage in the olives. ??

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

'No alcohol for me thanks: I see enough mirages as it is...'

That's a nasty outgoing toenail you've got there.'

A Guilty Conscience.

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Have you been eating people again, Gertie?

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'I'm a teetotaler.'

Overdoing It.

'It was horrible Doctor!! One minute we were playing on the teeter totter and the next he was gone!!'

A Volunteer Review

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE, 'You have the wrong idea, sir -- we're not liquor consultants.'

'Non-alcohol beer? Aisle 6, keep sweeping dust till you hit 'em.'